Countdown to the big day

Want a brush with insanity? Try planning a wedding. Specifically, your wedding.

Surely the Biggest Moment of Your Life was never supposed to involve signing so many contracts or agonizing -- for months -- over who gets invitations and where to seat people.

There are ways to keep the chaos to a minimum. The key is to organize and plan ahead. You can hire a professional, but you'll still need to be on top of the process to make decisions big and small.

We can help with our handy planner. Though it doesn't allot time for dealing with family baggage or bridal meltdowns (pencil that in yourself), it will give you an idea of what you need to do and when, so when your Big Day arrives, you can forget the details and focus on what's really important: the two of you.

TWELVE MONTHS OUT

Tell the family. Have discussions beyond the ``Guess what?'' announcement. Parents and significant people in your lives deserve (reasonable) input. Schedule the dual-parent dinner, even if they've met.

Find your vision quest. ``Decide on your general wedding vision,'' says Taylor Nguyen of Cupertino-based Ha Lé Events. ``This will affect your scouting of venue locations for the perfect wedding date.''

Most wedding books offer quizzes that can help determine definite no-no's (no garden wedding, as Jack has allergies) and yeses (food is more important than flowers). You can also check out the quiz at www.ultimatewedding.com/articles/get.php?action=getarticle&articleid=1584.

Make an organizer. You don't need it to be fancy, but you will need multiple pockets for brochures, contracts, photos and the like.

Draw up a guest list. Include whomever you want. Then, ruthlessly rate everyone with an A/B/C. Ratings will change, especially when every guest is reduced to a head (as in head count for food).

Determine your budget. National average is $20,000, hereabouts closer to $30,000 (we are not kidding). You can do it for less if you do a lot of hands-on work. Figure out who pays, how much, for what and when. Factor in the price of the honeymoon.

Sketch out a time budget. The more you do upfront, the less to worry about later.

Meet a planner. Optional. You can do this before budgeting. Ann Webb, director of the San Jose-based Association of Certified Professional Wedding Consultants, says to ask for a complimentary consultation. During that hour, a consultant can clarify vision, priorities and who's paying the bill. Charges to carry out the plans can be 10 to 20 percent of the budget, a flat package fee or hourly (ranging from $20-$120). Vets with five years or more in the biz work faster and know more vendors. Ask for references; the Better Business Bureau or ACPWC might have useful feedback, too.

Set the site. ``Save time and temptation by not visiting the ones that are completely out of range,'' Nguyen advises. Check if rehearsal time and parking are included. Ask for referrals to other vendors. (You might not have a choice.) Meet the appropriate religious or spiritual leader.

Choose the date. Women may want to check their menstrual cycles.

Book the time off. Summer weddings especially compete with co-worker vacations.

NINE MONTHS OUT

Choose attendants. Politics and personalities come into play. If finances are a problem, consider subsidizing wardrobe costs. Consider limiting the number of attendants.

Select the ensemble. If you have a favorite designer, Nguyen suggests, call ahead and find out when the trunk show is, as you often get discounts and personal service.

Start/maintain a regular workout.

Hire a caterer.

Hire a photographer. Do you want negatives? Digital? Also, ask which photographer actually shows up.

Hire a videographer. Again, check on who shows up.

Plan the ceremony outlines.

Research additional costs. If the site or caterer doesn't provide chairs, linens and so on, call party rental places.

SIX MONTHS OUT

Hire a florist. Bring pictures of bouquets you like or check out theirs. Ask about delivery and charges. Save by using in-season flowers.

Hire a DJ/band. Forget tapes: Watch live. For DJs, make sure they don't subcontract out. The price of a disc jockey, on average, is $1,200 for four hours.

Reserve tuxedos/suits.

Order invitations.

Plan wedding decor.

Order/start making party favors. Optional.

Plan honeymoon. Honeymoons don't have to follow immediately, but a B&B overnighter would be restful.

Sign contracts. Assume nothing. All vendors should have contracts, which should include name, contact info, date/time/locales of ceremony and reception, itemized services, emergency replacement, travel/delivery/set-up costs, name of delivery/on-site person, set-up and take-down time, total price, deposit due date, balance due date, cancellation/refund policy.

Assemble current addresses. This is a step in getting invitations out on time.

FOUR MONTHS OUT

Send reserve-the-date cards. Advance notices are courtesies for people who make long-range plans or live out of town.

Buy rings.

Learn to dance.

Order the cake.

THREE MONTHS OUT

Buy gifts. For the wedding party, family and helpers.

Send invites. Code the RSVP cards to a master list. Some people forget to include their names/return addresses.

Register for gifts. Do not list registries on invitations. This means you are asking for a gift, which is bad form. Tell the attendantsto help spread the word but leave it out of the invite.

Assemble ceremony gear. This includes whatever are your priorities, whether it be crystal toasting glasses or the American Indian prayer blanket.

Fun time. Consider some kind of outing involving the wedding party.

TWO MONTHS OUT

Update bridal registry.

Reserve rooms for out-of-towners.

Reserve rehearsal and dinner space.

Get the marriage license.

Check dress fittings.

Assign wedding duties. If you don't have a day-of coordinator, assign a trustworthy non-attendant. Give her or him a copy of the list of whom you want photographed/videotaped, so she or he can point them out to the camera operators.

Buy fiance gift. Optional, but why should women get all the goodies?

Send thank-you cards. A thoughtful gesture to the wedding party and anyone else who has helped you out.

ONE MONTH OUT

Check honeymoon gear.

Call guests who haven't responded.

TWO WEEKS OUT

Leave paper/e-mail trails at work. You don't want an emergency call during your honeymoon.

Checklist: Wedding outfit? Rings? License?

EIGHT DAYS OUT

Get confirmations. Call or e-mail everyone: attendants, family, vendors.

LAST DAYS

Assemble day-of grooming gear and emergency kit. For hair, makeup, including touch-ups. Emergencies might call for needle and thread, safety pins, water bottle, blotting paper, suntan lotion, medication, feminine hygiene products, and so on.

Welcome the wedding party. Do the rehearsal. Put on the dress. Have fun.